Psychotic Jokes

These are a mix of horrible jokes both by me and from the wonderland of the Internet. Enjoy!

A man was walking along the sidewalks, when he located a penguin. He happily took the penguin with him, and they walked together.

Sunddenly, a police officer on his daily rounds, looked at this man walking with a penguin. He stopped them. "Excuse me," said the officer.

"Yes, sir," the man replied.

"I'm going to have to ask you to take that penguin to the zoo."

"Of course, sir."

The next day, the same man was walking with the same penguin, and he caught eyes with the same police officer.

"Hey!" shouted the police man. "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo."

And the man answered, "But, sir, I did. And today I'm taking it to the movies."
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A dim-witted man walked into a library. He walked to the front desk, to a librarian standing behind it.

"May I help you help you?" asked the librarian.

The man thought for a moment. "Um, yeah. Can I have a Big Mac, a shake, and fries?"

"I'm sorry, but this is a library."

He whispered. "Sorry. I'll have a Big Mac, a shake, and fries."
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A guy walks into a bathroom and sees a foriegn guy peeing at a stall.

The man laughed at the foriegner and said, "You're 'a' peein'."
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There's a couple muffins baking in an oven.

One muffin says, "Man, it's getting hot it in here."

Another screams. "Ahhhhh! A talking muffin!"