Psychotic Jokes

These are a mix of horrible jokes both by me and from the wonderland of the Internet. Enjoy!

A man was walking along the sidewalks, when he located a penguin. He happily took the penguin with him, and they walked together.

Sunddenly, a police officer on his daily rounds, looked at this man walking with a penguin. He stopped them. "Excuse me," said the officer.

"Yes, sir," the man replied.

"I'm going to have to ask you to take that penguin to the zoo."

"Of course, sir."

The next day, the same man was walking with the same penguin, and he caught eyes with the same police officer.

"Hey!" shouted the police man. "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo."

And the man answered, "But, sir, I did. And today I'm taking it to the movies."
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A dim-witted man walked into a library. He walked to the front desk, to a librarian standing behind it.

"May I help you help you?" asked the librarian.

The man thought for a moment. "Um, yeah. Can I have a Big Mac, a shake, and fries?"

"I'm sorry, but this is a library."

He whispered. "Sorry. I'll have a Big Mac, a shake, and fries."
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A guy walks into a bathroom and sees a foriegn guy peeing at a stall.

The man laughed at the foriegner and said, "You're 'a' peein'."
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There's a couple muffins baking in an oven.

One muffin says, "Man, it's getting hot it in here."

Another screams. "Ahhhhh! A talking muffin!"

Strange Facts

These are REAL strange facts. Yes, I made sure they were extra strange.

One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year!

Most lipstick contains fish scales!

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"!

Cat urine glows under a black-light!

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!

Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark!

Stupid Quotes

Look at these stupid quotes that celebrities have actually said.

When I'm really hot, I can walk into a room and if a man doesn't look at me, he's probably gay.
-Kathleen Turner

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.
-Britney Spears

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.
-David Acfield

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
-Charles De Gaulle

The only reason we're seven and 0 is because we've won all seven of our games.
-David Garcia

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In Cool Canvas, anything is possible. It's a place where writings can be shared, contests will be held, and everyday topics will be talked about.

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Cool Canvas - sketch a new life today!

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